Here it is - the new JAGUAR XE Saloon, the biggest release for Jaguar in many generations.

A run down of the XE and the technical tour de force that will bring Jaguar into the modern era, with speech control and wi-fi hot spot this new Jaguar will be the most modern and technically advanced car around.

Emeli Sande spoke about her experiences of the XE when the photo shoot and video for the new XE specific song, we then have the kaiser Chiefs and Brian Johnson, whose project seven is ready and waiting to be delivered at Earls court.

Ian Callum was next up, and he revealed that this car was very important, and with Earls Court being a traditional place for Jaguar to release their cars, it will also be one of the last as Earls Court is being redeveloped.

Steve Redgrave was next on the red carpet, and after a very brief chat we went directly over to the launch, which will last 90 minutes.

A stunning red E-Type drives across the stage after an orchestral introduction, with a child and an old man watching, Alex the child, from Scotland,  wants to be a car designer, and wakes up a 16 year old boy now living in London, for a car launch this is really weird, where is the car ? we want the Jaguar.

We now have a Morris minor on stage, it looks like a mint condition one, now using time travel, WHAT THE HELL !, they have moved forward in time and a Vulcan bomber lands on the stage behind them,now they are running through time gaps ? this is really a weird launch, rock singers on stage, there is now a stunning Jaguar SS driving on to the set, it is beautiful.

Not quite sure whats going on now, but i bet the press will take the P*** tomorrow over all this theatre and an introduction for Miss Emile Sande, singing a song that i really don't mind at all, come on come on is the song, and that's what we are shouting come on come on, we want the car... LOL.... .

1930's and the launch of the Jaguar name, heaven for fend that the SS moniker be used during WW2, , the sun might have his hat on, but i will be putting my coat on shortly if this does not hurry up, wild, feral, and gorgeous curves, that sounds like my other half... LOL..

Oh lord, more time travel, where is Dr Who when you need him, lots of clips of Jaguars past on the screens, racing and testing, getting nearer to our time now, and were here 2014, the stunning blue XFR, White F-Type, the gorgeous lines of the XJ, and talk of the XE.

Lots more waffle, oh no please, don't sing, this is just like a dodgy west end show on its last legs, I have a feeling, like the song, and it involves a sick bag, FFS come on will you and launch the car, it is all we want, not a song and dance act, even though some of it might be funny, however i am sure that the bods in Germany are cackling away right now.

I am missing Eastenders for this.... LOL... and breath, the singing has stopped, just banter now between the cast members on stage and the removal of the current line up of Jags, oh, were off to 1948 Earls Court Motor Show now, OH WOW an XK120 in white, now that's to die for, oh, that guy is Bill Haynes and William Lyons is the other one, the men that shaped Jaguar, that XK is just stunning, Oh now Monty Python gets a mention with their SPAM.. LOL..

YAY, Grace, Space and Pace, I wondered how long it would be before they mentioned it, and it is as true today and it was all the way back then, now that's naughty, you don't do that in time travel, the Dr will tell you off !!!!

Oh, were off again what year this time, Ooooo that MK II saloon is just so sexy, and now we have Eliza Doolittle singing on stage now, get rid of here and just lets look at the stunning E-Type, and bring that MK II back on too, they are two of the best cars ever produced by Jaguar

YAWN, please hurry up i want to have a pee, and I need a shower, do all launches take this long these days, whats wrong with just saying a few words and then have it drive through a curtain of card board facia like they did years ago, Singing stopped now, the E-Type takes centre stage, for the 1960's, OH, I just realised one of the guys time travelling has a Tom Baker Dr Who scarf... LOL..

So much waffle cant we just get on with it, they keep talking about the D-Type, lets just get one on stage, now they want to drive it naked, this is really getting boring, even the audience seem to be bored, but were off to 1957 now, so cue the rock music, more flashing images on the screen and  the some silly dancing, and hey presto, the arrived at a time when the great Jaguar fire destroyed so many stunning examples of automotive sexiness.

Oh, Pathe News, Jaguar proves that no disaster could stop them and within weeks they were back to 33% production, and they even launched the new 3.4 litre Jag, and off again to Le Mans, well a set in earls Court but you get the drift, 24 hours of racing, some beautiful cars from all the great manufacturers, and here it comes, the most beautiful cars in the world, two mint examples of the D-Types, even the great Norman Dewes gets a mention, and OMG he is there, the greatest jag test driver, the man that took the E-Type from UK all the way to a foreign motor show over night at massive speed, that man is a legend, and then we have Max Milner and a song of sorts.

Now the Kaiser chiefs, and thats me, I will close here and do another report with more details....